Ya Al-Amin
O Trustworthy One

I loved you. I loved you more than I could have ever expressed to my Lord in prayer, in prose or poem. I wept at the thought of your cause and your position as The Messenger. The conviction of which you held to the rope of God and the heartache and abuse you suffered for delivering your message moved me to become someone that my former self could scant recognize. I loved you.

I trusted you. I trusted your words and your actions. To me, you were the most perfect of men, beloved by God and mankind. You without sin and without blemish, though human still and with perfect imperfection. I looked upon you as a standard for my own life, my own humanity, and my own manhood. You were known by your people to have never spoken a lie and even amongst your enemies you were Al-Amin. I trusted you.

I believed in you. I believed in your God and in your message. I believed your recitation that was from our Lord to be the most beautiful poetic verse I had ever the privilege to hear. I believed you when you said La Ilaha Ilalah, and I answered with Muhammadan Rasullulah. I believed your plight and your love for me as your “brother”. I believed in you as your wife did that night on the mountain. I believed your ascent, O your ascent into Heaven. My God, how I believed in you.

You were my father, my brother, my friend, my master, my beloved, and my Rasul! You were complete in my eyes as the most merciful of men. You were thrown out by your own people, despised by pagans and Jews alike. Arabia has not seen the like of you before or after. My Master! Have you been a dream!? I loved you as a son loves a father! I loved you more than my flesh and blood! I am ashamed, and I am destroyed.

I sat you at the foot of the throne of God in a Temple of Certitude, and you poisoned the foundation. You cracked the walls and muddied the gold, turned to hard stone the heart that once beat and would cease beating for you. O my prophet, my teacher. Why have you deceived me? Why have I been deceived? Why,why, my God, why?


“A Temple of Certitude”

A Temple of Certitude
-a requiem-


Six years

I built upon a hill of works and a hill of parchment,
a temple of certitude.

I formed the base upon solid thought and will,
whilst humming away Truth, Truth, Truth.

I erected impregnable walls of justification,
whilst whistling away Equity, Equity, Equity.

Six years

I coated the halls with the gold of magnificence,
whilst laughing away Beauty, Beauty, Beauty.

I raised up a throne of power and authority,
whilst singing Glory, Glory, Glory.

I prostrated to whom the throne was made,
whilst chanting litanies: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive.

Six Years

I placed as my master the trustworthy slave,
whilst crying Peace, Peace, Peace.

I filled the chambers and the halls with remembrance, devotion and conviction,
whilst speaking Love, Love, Love.

I ran through the temple, my temple of certitude,
whilst shouting Forsook, Forsook, Forsook.

Six years

A spirit erupted through the temple sanctum,
It declared no, no, no.

I hid from the spirit, seeking solace from the trustworthy,
he cried woe, woe, woe.

I pleaded with the One,
he was gone, gone, gone.

Six years

I built upon a hill of works and a hill of parchment,
a temple of certitude.

I saw it crumble before my eyes, before my hands, and before my feet,
and I whispered why, why, why.

Upon two hills, as powder fine on the ground,
lay my temple of certitude,
dust, dust, dust.